Category 6 ride led by David Smith
At the start, which I made by the skin of my teeth thanks to finding my front tyre was deflated once I set off, there was “Muddy” McPheat, Chairman Ian, Martin Phillips, Peter Cosworth and me.
It was overcast and on the chilly side; I confidently predicted (completely wrongly) that the sun would break through in due course. We left Ware and proceeded through Cold Christmas (i) to the pillbox (ii) at the side of the road where a dodgy looking individual leaning on a jam jar (iii) smoking an oily rag (iv) waved us down.
It turned out to be Tony. Readers will be aware of the strange excuse he gave a couple of weeks ago for abandoning the ride. This week even more fantastically he claimed to have been giving his bike chain a Brazilian and that it was not running smoothly afterwards. He intimated the bike was in the boot of his car ready to join us on the ride but the malfunctioning chain prevented him from doing so.
Inadvertently he disclosed that in fact he was keeping cavey (v) for someone in the woods with a firearm, presumably poaching grouse or rabbits, and not wishing to risk being considered accomplices we rode off to the Blue Cafe in Harlow, where, in due course, Tony joined us, but not on a bike.
According to the rules which Tony upheld a couple of weeks ago, being present at elevenses should earn him a club point, and since his velocipede was in the boot of his car, I suppose he could claim to have his bike with him.
Of more interest however was his explanation as to how a Brazilian wax works on a bike chain (even though it obviously didn’t for him). Once applied, the wax is good for 300 or 400 miles and doesn’t attract the dirt. After 300 or 400 miles we were told you then brush off the dirt (which wasn’t attracted in the first place) and apply boiling water to get rid of the rest of the wax before reapplying. I suppose that is what is known as a chain reaction.
5 people appeared remarkably unconvinced, but as 11 o’clock approached with due reverence we observed 2 minutes’ silence in the cafe for the fallen in the two World Wars.
Back outside, Tony wished us Godspeed and we more or less retraced our steps, detouring via Fanhams Hall Road to get home. Ian’s rear tyre produced an interesting and unwelcome shower of sealant on the rider behind, which Ian claimed showed how well it was doing its job. Peter and I left the ride at Dark Lane to our respective homes and me thence to Ware cemetery for the November blessing of my parents’ graves. Rest eternal grant unto them O Lord.
Safe home everyone else.
David H. Smith
08.11.26
(i) Cold Christmas gets its name from a mix of local tragedy and folklore alongside historical naming patterns: The Tragedy / Legend: The most famous local story claims the name comes from a bitterly cold winter centuries ago when a high number of children perished (with some small headstones in the churchyard marking children who died around December 1802) Topographical and Documentary Roots: Linguistically and historically, place-name researchers note the name likely combines a descriptive topographical term (“cold”, referring to an exposed, chilly site) with “Christmas” (referencing land, a chapel, or a religious connection), appearing in early records as forms like Cold Chrystmasse.
(ii) • Origin: First deployed by the German Army on the Western Front in World War I (around 1916–1917). The name comes from their shape, which resembled cylindrical 20th-century medicine pill containers. • World War II in Britain: Following the Dunkirk evacuation in 1940, roughly 28,000 concrete and brick pillboxes were constructed across Britain’s coasts and inland “stop lines” to defend against a potential German invasion. Today, about 6,500 of them survive.
(iii) Jam jar – Cockney rhyming slang (CRS) – car.
(iv) CRS Oily rag – a fag (cigarette)
(v) To keep cavey is archaic criminal slang for a lookout man. From the Latin “Cave” meaning Beware! The motto for our home town is in fact “Cave” – a linguistic joke – i.e. Be Ware.