Category 3 ride led by Graham Knight

We followed this route from the Wheelers RWGPS database: https://emea01.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fridewithgps.com%2Froutes%2F42814330&data=05%7C02%7C%7Cdc9bf5b220ba4f60682408df2db69757%7C84df9e7fe9f640afb435aaaaaaaaaaaa%7C1%7C0%7C639279934391294818%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJFbXB0eU1hcGkiOnRydWUsIlYiOiIwLjAuMDAwMCIsIlAiOiJXaW4zMiIsIkFOIjoiTWFpbCIsIldUIjoyfQ%3D%3D%7C0%7C%7C%7C&sdata=TlNdtPbkRKd5mTZLySqPvFH1yAmc%2F%2BK%2BeoliR%2FeJREM%3D&reserved=0. I don’t know who posted it but it’s a corker – especially the stretch between Great Hormead and Great Chishill. This was especially true today with the sun shining and autumn colours fresh after a rain shower. We were also blessed with a near absence of traffic. Not only that, the Blind Fiddler at Anstey had put on a spectacular Halloween display.

The forecast was for sunshine, showers and a chilly north wind – which was pretty accurate. Fortunately we avoided the showers until we reached Hadham on the return, where we ran into a persistent and sometimes heavy one. For me this coincided with the onset of cramp which made for a slow, hence cold, end to the ride. Worth it for what went before though!

Three for Cat 3 today. Very nice to see John H making a return.

Category 6 ride led by David Smith

At 8:30 there were 6 riders – Tony (the alleged leader), Mike, new boy Dhiren, Crystal Palace Kevin, chairman Ian, and me. It didn’t get off to a very good start. Tony claimed to have pulled a muscle in rather strange circumstances. His statement (not under caution it must be said) was that he was waiting for Mike, assumed after 10 minutes that he wasn’t coming, realised he was running late, and overexerted himself. Those looking for a more entertaining explanation are referred to the writing on the wall in the third cubicle on the left in the Gents’ toilet at Allenbury’s Social Club. (I didn’t put it there.)

So off we travelled via Great Amwell to St. Margaret’s, in the vicinity of which Tony left us to cycle back to Enfield to apply appropriately hot poultices or such other forms of relief he may have deemed to be appropriate. At that point the leader’s armband was passed to me as being the only other rider with the route on his Garmin. Certainly, the nomination was not made for my outstanding sense of direction nor a knowledge of where I am at any particular time. We persevered, however, temporarily losing Kevin and Mike at the bottom of a hill, which they then had to re-climb, whilst the rest of us tried in vain to hide our amusement.

Arrived at the elevenses locus we found the entry barred against us with no one knowing the code. Kevin flashed a £20 note at the camera which seemed to convince the operator we had the wherewithal to pay for our food and drink and the barrier immediately opened. Members of the Golf Club it would appear are entitled to a discount on their tea and egg baps or whatever else it is that golfers eat (chips onto the green I would imagine?) because we were asked whether we were members and details of our handicap. We explained in regard to the first question that we were not, and as to the second he had gone home with a pulled muscle.

Seated at the table an interesting discussion ensued. Let me give you some details. Instead of parking his bike outside the club, Mike announced that he had things to do and was going to ride straight home. The debate concerned whether, because he had not sat down at table, Mike was entitled to a club point not only for starting but being present at elevenses. “Clearly,” the prosecution opened, “he cannot be present at elevenses because he is not sitting here having elevenses. By its very definition he must be disqualified.” “No,” argued the defence, “you need merely arrive at the venue to have attended. Give my client the point!” “My learned friend is talking out of the back of his helmet,” came the rejoinder. “On that basis one could argue that a groom who drives to the church, changes his mind, and drives off, has attended the wedding. “I put the point to Tony the ride non-leader when I got home. He simply said if Mike arrives at the cafe he is entitled to the point. Were it that simple! The cafe cannot be reached other than by going through the golf shop and there is no suggestion that Mike did anything of the sort. Tony wasn’t interested in the nicety of the argument. He would never make a lawyer. Any half decent advocate could have kept the issue contentious for at least a year and paid for his Caribbean holiday in the process!

So while the jury was out deliberating the 4 remaining Cat Sixers began their journey home, via Tewin to Hertford, where the Garmin told us to turn right into Saint Andrew’s Street instead of left towards dear old Blighty. Arriving last of all at the traffic lights, Chairman Ian muttered something about a game of soldiers, and directed us all to turn left, thence through the back streets of Hertford and down the hill past the seat of excellence (known locally as Ware College) and over the single track railway line to Amwell End, where I was delighted quite unexpectedly to encounter my elder daughter and her husband. She also is a lawyer and happily accepted the points defence on a no win no fee basis, and promised me a stick of rock from Kingston in Jamaica.

We split up at that point to go our various ways. As I got within the vicinity of Smudger Towers I encountered Dhiren on his way back to Wareside and introduced him to my shortcut through Dark Lane. That would make rather a good start to a mystery novel, would it not? Dhiren was never seen alive again, and it transpired that Tony had not gone home at all but was lurking in the bushes ready to kidnap Dhiren and hold him to ransom. I was a decoy. Write your own ending – I’ve had enough.